Not All Men
“Not all men” is a phrase we hear often. It’s used to soften the blow, to let men (and some self-hating women) distance themselves from the harm. But the bar is in hell. Superiority comes in inches, not feet. No, it’s not all men—but it’s always a man.
Originally, this began as a poem I wrote lying beside my daughter while she napped, thinking about the cycle of relationships. The next day, as I created promotional graphics for Instagram, it evolved into something more.
While the imagery speaks for itself, I want to point out a few details and their symbolism. Each image contains one stanza of the poem. The woman is telling the story of her relationship from start to finish as the Polaroids of her life stack up. The happy moments are intentionally blurred because her memory of them is fuzzy. The not-so-happy moments are sharp—she remembers those clearly. They’re the reason she walked away.
At the end of each stanza is the line, “Not all men, but always a man.” It appears in a handwritten font, as if she’s jotting a note to herself—a reminder. As the story progresses, the size of the mantra slowly increases. She grows louder and louder until she reaches her breaking point. But she isn’t broken. She’s resolute—determined to create change for her daughter, to smash the patriarchy. And that starts with refusing to accept the disclaimer.
Not All Men
He sparks up a conversation
Then burns her at the stake
Not all men, but always a man
He arrests her with his charm
Then turns their home into a prison
Not all men, but always a man
He wines and dines
Then sticks her with the check
Not all men, but always a man
He treats her like a princess
Then locks her in a tower
Not all men, but always a man
He flies her out
Then crashes the plane
Not all men, but always a man
He paints the perfect picture
Then hangs her on the wall
Not all men, but always a man
He pays the bills
Then comes up short
Not all men, but always a man
He sells her on the dream
Then manufactures a nightmare
Not all men, but always a man
He worships the ground she walks on
Then sacrifices her at the altar
Not all men, but always a man
He drives the relationship
Then claims it was an accident
Not all men, but always a man
He provides security
Then pulls an inside job
Not all men, but always a man
He gets the water running
Then circles the drain
Not all men, but always a man
He plants the seed
Then poisons the garden
Not all men, but always a man
He hits copy + paste
Then smashes the motherboard
Not all men, but always a man
She makes him a father
Then smashes the patriarchy
Not all women, but always a woman
